3 Ridiculous Things My Chinese Parents Told Me — That I Believed — as a Kid
A light-hearted reflection on my good ol’ childhood myths
I want to spend a moment reflecting on the funny, but also insane, things that my parents told me as a little kid.
I’m writing this down so I don’t forget it in the future, and I can look back on this and laugh.
If you’ve somehow found yourself here, enjoy!
1. Every Grain of Rice You Don’t Finish = 1 Freckle Grown on Your Face
I’m not advocating for wasting food.
I’m just saying that this was the ‘food for thought’ that my parents were feeding me as kid.
If I didn’t finish that last grain of rice in my bowl…
“If you keep eating like this, by the time you’re a teenager, how are your Grandparents back in China going to recognise you!”
Well, looking in the mirror now at least a decade later, I know that I’m safe.
2. MSG is going to kill me
(Disclaimer: If you still believe this, just go look it up yourself (hint: it’s safe))
According to my Mum, the most toxic ingredient in the world is MSG.
If I ate MSG, or anything with MSG, it would be the end of my health.
It’s kind of ironic, isn’t it?
MSG was used everywhere in Asian cuisine and restaurants but was fearmongered as a result of some American guy.
But the Chinese used it way before then, and knew it was alright.
But now my Chinese Mum was telling me that it would cause me an early grave?
3. Pokemon is the Devil
Apparently, Pokemon, especially the cute lil’ Pikachu, was the devil in disguise or something.
So, of course, as you do, you have to get rid of the devil.
How, you ask?
By fighting fire with fire. Literally.
My mum literally forced me to burn all my hundreds of Pokemon cards.
Yes, burn.
In a backyard fire.
In some pot she turned into some ad hoc witch cauldron to drive the evil spirits away.
As she was murmuring some witch chants like
“begone demons”
… or something else that was weird.
I wondered what the neighbours were thinking at the time. Still wondering now.
Now for as much parental roasting I’ve done already, I want to illustrate that I still appreciate them. A lot
So I figured I would leave you with something heartfelt.
3. That they actually had enough money to buy fast food for me all the time
When I finally got a bit older, my mum told me about the times when she watched me munch on McDonald’s cheeseburgers.
Or those juicy, aromatic pieces of KFC’s original recipe chicken thighs.
She told me about how she and my Dad would chew on my leftover bones.
To get that last bit of meat that I didn’t finish eating.
So she told a white lie to me, as a kid.
We weren’t balling out. We couldn’t actually afford this luxury all the time. We were probably better off buying cheap loaves of bread and deli meat than buying McDonald’s.
Now I know I was a spoiled brat in those moments.
Cheers Mum and Dad
Parents.
They teach you a lot.
But they also tell you a lot of dumb stuff.
Some dumb stuff is just plain ridiculous — like having to burn devil-spirit-infested Pokemon cards.
But some dumb stuff is done to keep us happy. Like telling us that we can have McDonald’s and that their pockets wouldn’t get drained.
So, parents? Keep being dumb so your kids can reflect back on these funny but heart-warming moments.
